it scares me sometimes when my feelings for things (and people) can fluctuate from one extreme to the other within a short span of time. like.. wtf? right now? i can't give two shits about anything (or anyone) other than my schoolwork. i haven't gone out to enjoy myself since coming back from penang. every day has been spent in school, and weekends are spent either in school or sitting in the living room. recreational purposes are last on the list of reasons for me to go out. usually, it's cos i've run out of milk.



of course i occasionally do lapse into thoughts of him. like.. stuff. thinking of him does make for an entertaining activity when on the bus, but only when my discman batteries have run out. however, i am glad to admit that he doesn't bother me as much as he did when everything first started.



my ear cannot heal. the exit hole regularly bleeds and the entry hole still has the small bump (it's NOT a keloid). i rubbed betnovate on the bump and it seems to be diminishing in size and puffiness. i think i will continue rubbing betnovate on it until there aren't anymore visible results. ho ho but this won't deter me from my piercing escapades. adventures.



whatever shit.



just watched american idol and group 2 was amazingly, incredibly... agonising to watch. the only people worth watching were the pancake waitress and the voluptuous redhead. but knowing how screwed up america is, the butch might even get in, who i predict will win the majority of the melanielindsay votes. to give her credit, her voice is better than average and she's got the air of a mysterious charmer but i doubt that's sufficient to tide her through till the final eight.



ah well. school tomorrow, as usual. i predict another 12 hour day in school, followed by an all-nighter for the debate on friday. damn.

i'm hopping from blog to blog. i feel like staying here for the moment. where did my sanity go? oh yes, i left it there. i tell people so many times, not knowing that one day, i'd be so affected by it. and you know why i hate myself? because i know it's wrong. so wrong.



and why i hate myself more? because i'm slowly losing what enthusiasm i had for body modification. i don't have the heart to pore through pictures and testimonials on bmezine anymore. something else has become my priority and i had that thing.



I know it doesn't seem that way
But maybe it's the perfect day
Even though the bills are piling
And maybe Lady Luck ain't smiling



But if we'd only open our eyes
We'd see the blessings in disguise
That all the rain clouds are fountains
Though our troubles seem like mountains



There's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose heart
Give the day a chance to start



Every now and then life says
Where do you think you're going so fast
We're apt to think it cruel but sometimes
It's a case of cruel to be kind



And if we'd get up off our knees
Why then we'd see the forest for the trees
And we'd see the new sun rising
Over the hills on the horizon



There's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose faith
Give the world a chance to say...



A word or two, my friend
There's no telling how the day might end
And we'll never know until we see
That there's gold in them hills



i haven't found the gold yet.

i am missing penang now. such fucking inane reasons to miss penang. but i do. i want to go back and do my stupid things.

yesterday, i:
i) got my ***** *******.
ii) got laughed at for getting rashes. moron!
iii) made a fool out of myself in front of my two cuties.
iv) followed ml to buy her samsung phone.
v) got extremely pissed off when i found out the ending of matrix revolutions.



today, i:
i) posted sha's birthday card. *sheepish grin*
ii) went for sushi.
iii) watched a breakdance performance at atrium.
iii) watched survivor on the bus and thinks it sucks.
iv) got accused of outcasting a girl. (accurate, due to her spoiling my group's presentation and making us lose a very valuable 30% of our overall grade. she deserves it.).



tomorrow, i:
i) have to go to school for a meeting with the outcasted girl.
ii) am going to watch matrix revolutions though i don't think i'd enjoy it as much as if i hadn't known the ending.
iii) will still think survivor is crap.



donkey, i just realised that she is the only one who fergie beats in the looks (and other areas) department. not to say your dog is ugly la, but if your dog were judged by human standards, he'd still win her hands-down. *grin*

your beauty freezes the morning sun as it pauses for a moment and laughs its head off, for how ugly you look against the white light.



dedicated to goop, from goop.

i just found out that when i fell down and cracked my head open, i wasn't alone. and it wasn't quiet either. i'd always thought that i was spinning by myself but today someone, after fifteen bloody years, finally confessed that she was egging me on to spin round and round to the beat of her pounding on the damn electronic keyboard. i think my semi-concussion (hah) must've caused memory loss. and to top it off, she got angry that i had to be taken to hospital because it made her miss a party. yeah, and i still remember the string that i couldn't break after i said my prayers. i was so scared to the point that i wouldn't go to the toilet. that probably explains the incontinence now.



here's an interesting conversation i had yesterday. i was late for school so i hailed a cab, climbed in, and stared out the window. the cabbie kept on looking at me through the rearview mirror. this is the part where i tell you all that i look like a good christian girl. i really do! i rarely have mormons, nuns, pastors, or christian fellowship hypocrites coming up to me to ask me to save myself. so anyway



cabbie: *mandarin*
me: sorry, uncle. wo poo huey chiang hua yi.
cabbie: oh sorry ha... so, i want to ask you.. do you worship anyone? what religion are you?
me: *sweat droplets start appearing* er... christian.
cabbie: then who do you worship? jesus or mary?
me: um... neither. i worship GOD.
cabbie: so you got go to church?
me: yes, every sunday. (*damn, i'm good*)
cabbie: *pulls out brochure* ok, good that you are christian. because i want to tell you about something. *points at picture of jesus on brochure* you want to learn more about jesus? come, i give you this one. you go and read properly.
me: ok, thanks! (*with all the enthusiasm i could muster*)
cabbie: blahblahblahblah (*my cue to tune out and think dirty thoughts about me and jay with the occasional "hmms" and "yes!" and "praise jesus!"*)



baby - annoyingly cutesy.
sporty - too lesbo.
posh - too full of herself.
scary - too ugly.
ginger - too skanky.



i miss my best friend.